The First Breath
by mabelreid
Summary: One shot tag for Magnum Opus. Does everything happen for a reason? Reid knows this is what Garcia believes, but how can he believe it in the wake of Maeve's death? How do you take the first step and start over without your soul mate?


**_Disclaimer: see my profile_**

**_A/n this one shot is a tag to Magnum Opus and was inspired in part by an article I read on line about the Wolf Moon tonight. Many thanks as always to my fabulous beta, REIDFANATIC._ **

"Thanks for visiting me," he said. "At first, I just wanted to be alone, but now…"

She glanced away from his window where she had been entranced by the full moon. He stood next to her, but there was a distance between them. It pushed them in two opposite directions. It was like two negatively charged magnets pushing each other around the flat surface of a table during a kid's game.

"I understand. I remember when my parents died and -"

"Excuse me, but it's not the same thing at all. You lost your mother and father. I lost the only woman I will ever love. She was my soul mate, Garcia and she's gone. I'll never hear her voice again."

He went to the sofa and threw himself down. She stood, too numb with shock and hurt to go to him and wipe away the tears he cried. She tried to make her mouth move, to say something that comforted, but nothing came out. She turned her back on him and bit her lips to keep back the tears that flooded her eyes. If she kept looking at the bright, white full moon that cast a shadow over the clouds in the sky, she might not say something worse.

"Garcia?"

She hesitated because part of her wanted to walk out of his apartment without another word. Her throat ached and her eyes stung.

"I'm sorry," he said in a voice so small, she could believe he was Henry's age instead of a grown man in his thirties.

His pain reached out and choked her. It drowned out her agony at how he shouted at her, until she could not keep her back turned.

The only light in the room filtered in through the windows from the street and the moon, but when she went to him, she could clearly see the crushing weight of his sorrow. Tears tracked down his cheeks and his eyes were so haunted, she shivered.

He folded into her arms when she joined him on the sofa. He sobbed into her shoulder for so long, her arms began to go to sleep, but she held on because he needed her.

He finally pulled back and passed a shaking hand over his face. "I thought after you guys helped me clean up in here, that I was ready to start over, but I realized something."

"What, baby cakes?"

He smiled briefly at her endearment. "I realized that I can't remember the sound of her voice. It's only been couple of weeks and I can't remember what she sounded like."

"Reid -"

He went back to the window and absently fingered the curtain. "I remember what she looked like. I was right," he said over his shoulder. "She was the most beautiful girl in the world, but that never mattered to me."

He nearly stamped one foot and Garcia almost laughed at his Henry-like impatience. "Don't you get it? What she looked like was never important to me. I fell in love with her voice, and her genius, and her kindness, and a million other little things."

He tilted his face up, as though he wanted to get warmth from the moon as a sunbather pulls life from the sun. "I'd give everything I own, all that I am to my very life if I could hear her voice, just one more time."

Garcia went to him and put her head on his shoulder. He reached over and put one arm around her. "I'd give everything I have to make that happen for you, to turn back the clock and find away to erase it, but Reid I-"

He stopped staring up at the moon and shushed her. "Please don't say it. I know you believe that everything happens for a reason. I just can't see the reason for this."

He pulled away from her and went back to the couch. Once again, she could not move from her position at the window or think of the right thing to say. Something niggled at the back of her brain that he might be right. Perhaps there was no reason for this. How could the Fates be so cruel to the sweetest man she knew?

She looked out at the city and the moon riding high in the sable night sky. "Maybe you're right. Maybe I'm wrong about -"

He was suddenly there next to her. "No, Garcia, I'm sorry."

He turned her around to face him and the moonlight caught the sculptured planes of his cheekbones and the horror in his eyes. "Reid you don't -"

"No," he shook his head. "I didn't mean to attack you. If not for you and the team, I would still be sitting here in my pajamas and robe with my books scattered around me. It was you that brought me out of it and I love you for that."

She hugged him hard and gave him her brightest smile. "I missed you so much. You're the soul of our team, Reid. We need you."

He wiped at a stray tear. "I need you too, more than I ever realized. I just don't know how I'm going to start over."

Garcia took one of his hands and studied his fingers. "So you don't worry about all the days, and weeks, and months to come. Maybe starting over just begins with taking one breath, and then the next."

He drew in a shuddering breath and let it out. "It hurts to breathe," he said softly.

"I know, but one day it won't hurt and then you take one step forward and then the next."

He closed his eyes and rested his head on her shoulder. "I don't know if I can do that."

"You can," she said with absolute faith. "I believe in you, Dr. Spencer Reid. Besides, you have me, so how can you fail?"

He laughed and it felt good, better than he thought, it would feel to give into humor. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

She punched him lightly on the arm. "You better believe it, mister. Now, why don't you tell me everything you know about the Wolf moon," she pointed to the white orb in the sky that looked down on them like some benevolent god.

"Well," he began, "did you know that Native Americans named most of the full moons…

She sighed and smiled as he spoke. The road that stretched out in front of her best friend was long and winding, but every journey begins with one-step and he was ready to take it.


End file.
